guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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