Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
