Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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