I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
