Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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