shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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