i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My life is pants optional.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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