sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
