i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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