i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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