To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
