shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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