Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
