Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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