I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
