I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
