Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
