ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
