it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
