dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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