Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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