Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
