So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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