It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
