apparently the secret to your success is patron
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
