Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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