Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
