quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
