Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
