We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Soap is not a condiment
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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