she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
