i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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