we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
