I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
