Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
