U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
