So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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