All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize