oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
