I've blown a few things in my day
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
