Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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