Where is the hickey?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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