it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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