sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
