She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
