So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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