The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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