If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
