I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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