who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
