You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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