My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
