True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
