Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
