please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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