Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
