i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
