My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
